Bienvenido a Miami

Social Similes: A Parody of Our World - Set 6 Volume 5

It was the biggest sports story of the summer: Chris Bosh and Lebron James were headed to Miami to join forces with Dwyane Wade. The Heat, now considered a power house in the East, has a chance to win its first NBA Championship since 2006. But recent documents uncovered suggest that James moved to the city sung about by Will Smith for more than just a championship.

Both TMZ and ESPN have evidence that Lebron James moved to Miami for the natural, year-round, free sun tanning capabilities of the city because he is in fact a Caucasian.

TMZ uncovered an old clip from "America's Funniest Home Videos", the ones with Bob Saget, with a white 6-year old child trying to do a slam dunk but failing and landing on his head. Then a lady, presumably his real mother, asks, "Lebron, are you okay?" The boy responses, "Yes. I'm a James boy! I'm always okay."

ESPN reporters followed up on the story and found hundreds of documents from a local sun tanning salon supporting TMZ's theories.

It turns out that Lebron spends over $1 million a year at the salon to keep his skin a dark colour. And the new Obama 10 per cent tax was too much for the all-star to handle financially. His addiction to sun tanning started at the end of his middle school days and trended into high school. One story suggests that Lebron faced much racism during his first few days of high school when he entered an all-white school, as many students believed him to be black. He would later change schools and end up at St. Vincent - St. Mary High School, where his future stardom became recognized.

The NBA wanted to market his talents and ensure they could capitalize on it properly. NBA arenas are filled with thousands of fans, but the majority of these fans are white. The league knew that it had to expand to a larger audience, including Hispanics, Asians, and more blacks if it wanted to compete with more professional sports entering the market.

The city of Cleveland comprises of 52 per cent blacks, meanwhile, the NBA team was selling mainly to white fans, and were not always selling out. So, the NBA requested to the franchise to finish last and pick Lebron. Since that day, the Cavs profits surged and the NBA royalties rolled in.

But Cleveland was not the first city to enroll in the program. Houston was the first, drafting the first Asian all-star to play in the NBA in 2002. And since, an Italian and an Australian have also been drafted first overall, bucking the nearly all-American trend.

Like all conspiracy theories, this one holds very little merit. TMZ said they will be scouting his home in Miami to see if his real parents show up. For now, Lebron, go out and win a championship.