Clash of the Britains - 2010 1H
Once upon a time, a soldier named Robert Green was sent into military action to the land of the lions. But his poor performance resulted in harsh criticism and he was ostracized by his platoon. For you see, Robert tried to take a bullet for his squad, but was ill-prepared. The bullet penetrated the last line of defense and their enemies, the Americans, forced the British to surrender two strategic points in the war.
Green's disastrous heroic attempts forced the British to make huge changes to their squad. Back home, he was labelled a national disgrace, and nobody wanted him, not even his parents. But one man flew all the way to Africa to offer him a glimmer of hope.
"Hello, Robert Green?" He asked.
"Yes." Robert replied.
"My name is Lord Tony Hayward," the mysterious man explained. "I am the king of oil and your guardian angel. Your recent action has made you a disgrace back home, but I am here to offer you some support. Let me show you what the world would be like if you were never born."
Within the first hour, the vehicle showed signs of problems, but went undetected by the two passengers. Shortly after leaving the military base, the vehicle's brakes malfunctioned, sending Lord Hayward's vehicle and his toy Yoda on a high-speed cruise. Unable to take control of his vehicle, the Lord made a last ditch effort to stop the runaway car and made a sharp right turn into a fence barricading drivers from a 100-foot cliff, but it was no use. The vehicle, and his toy Yoda, flew over the cliff and landed in a beautiful oasis. The two passengers were knocked unconscious for a short period of time.
When Lord Hayward and young Robert woke up, they found themselves in a beautiful lake. The trees towered even the tallest giraffe, and rays of light broke the canopy of the cluster of trees that provided them shade. Song birds sang in happiness and fish were jumping out of the lakes, like a Disney cartoon ready to break into a musical. The animals around them took notice of the two humans, but did not find them threatening and continued drinking from the water.
Just then, the under carriage of the vehicle exploded, causing liquids and oil to leak into the oasis. Lord Hayward tried to stop it by covering the leak with his hat, but the pressure was too strong. Robert tried to cut open a second hole to lower the pressure, but his tools were not strong enough to penetrate the medal. All the animals starting getting sick and were covered in this oil. The area, which was the only oasis for nearly 450 miles, was destroyed.
The two decided that their only hope of survival was to get to the shore. Tired as they were, they climbed the cliff to get help. But before they reached the bottom of the cliff, they stumbled upon a talking green troll, an anthropomorphized being inhabited at the lake.
"Get out of my swamp! Argh!" the green troll requested angrily. He had not yet seen the destruction of the oasis, but soon realized it. "What... happ - MY CRYSTALS!" It turned out the green troll had four cup-like glass crystals which he collected from the Americans. The crystals were beautiful in design, but were harmful to the humans due to extreme levels of cadmium.
As the troll went to save his crystals, the Lord and Robert attempted to scurry away, but the troll heard them make a run for it, and chased them down, hoping to punish them for what they did. The troll's friends, which included a talking donkey, a giant gingerbread man, and a cat in boots, appeared out of no where and battled the two. It would end when Lord Hayward tripped the giant gingerbread man and crushed their foes.
As they escaped and climbed the cliff, they were attacked by a swarm of bees, or at least it sounded like it. They did not see a single insect, but heard the annoying buzz-like sound faintly in the distance. Squinting to get a better look, they realized it was a caravan of South Africans, not bees, playing a local instrument known as the vuvuzela. The drivers offered the two British men a safe ride to the airport, but it was only a short intermission from continued adversity.
Next chapter (to be posted July 4)
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